Wednesdays banner reads – ‘Machete’: Everything You Need To Know

“Machete” is here and ready to blow your mind with every minute of its bloody, action-packed, sexy, slice-and-dicey good times. In brief, the story revolves around Machete (Danny Trejo), an ex-Federale who gets caught up in an assassination plot for which he is framed and must seek vengeance. We’ve been following this zany, violent, Mexploitation romp since its humble beginnings as a mock trailer attached to 2007′s “Grindhouse.” To celebrate its long-awaited arrival in theaters on Friday (September 3), here is everything you need to know about “Machete.” In 2007, Robert Rodriguez unleashed the fake trailer in front of “Grindhouse.” It was met with raucous applause and fan demands for a full-length feature. I loved what Anthony Lane said about it in The New Yorker: “You might expect, given the title, a few shafts of irony or pathos to be leveled at this symposium of has-beens, but … And the situation calls for it a lot in Robert Rodriguez ‘s entertaining and blood-spattered action comedy. Machete , which he co-wrote with his cousin Alvaro Rodriguez and co-directed with editor Ethan Maniquis, is an enthusiastic and affectionate exploitation flick, a movie that is fully aware of (and delighted by) its own absurdity. As for answers, here’s one: 10.

Ask and ye shall receive! The number of heads, roughly, Danny Trejo severs (and he severs them roughly) as the title character in “Machete.” He plays an ex-federale now caught up in a conspiracy involving a Mexican drug lord (Steven Seagal), a border vigilante (Don Johnson) and a racist Texas politician (Robert De Niro). Fast-forward a few years, and Machete finds himself at the center of a conspiracy involving an opportunistic Texan politician, Sen. From that point on, whenever MTV News found ourselves in the presence of one of the film’s stellar castmembers, we peppered them for details about the film, which yielded Trejo’s comments about his first day on set and a brief exchange with Jessica Alba during which she weighed in on action-movie hero Steven Seagal. Machete is much more successful at finding the balance.

How about Lohan having an amorous encounter with her on-screen mother and Machete in a pool? (OK, that scene was just gross, but in a jaw-dropping I-cant-believe-they-just-did-that kind of way.) Other highlights: Machete torturing a goon with a weed wacker, a Catholic priest (Cheech Marin) in a gun battle in a church and a woman pulling a cell phone from a part of her body that would most assuredly void the terms of the manufacturers warranty. Plenty of the characters, dialogue, and performances are interesting in their own right, even outside the context. McLaughlin has made illegal immigration the cornerstone of his re-election campaign. In early July, we got our hands and eyes on the first “Machete” trailer which, as we expected, was every bit as gritty and ballsy as Rodriguez’s original. Everybody clowns around, but not everything’s as funny as Rodriguez thinks it is. So yes, Machete has something to offend just about everyone. First, Rodriguez revealed his tricks of the trade, and then lovely leading ladies Alba and Rodriguez discussed the art of post-production nipple addition. But Machete is double-crossed, framed for something he didn’t do, and must prove his innocence. Check back daily for exclusive clips, photos and interviews with the films’ biggest stars. Check out everything we’ve got on “Machete.” For breaking news, celebrity columns, humor and more — updated around the clock — visit MTVMoviesBlog.com .